Gather quickly, gentle readers, for I bear exciting news. I am dusting off this old, barely used thing and giving it some shiny new... some shiny new... feathers? Is that a phrase? Shit, I do not understand how this whole colloquialism thing works. Some things will never change.
The point is that I'm back, and the blog is slightly different. I'm still medievalist-in-training, never fear, but now I'm going to be writing about my undergraduate staggerings through academia as I meander my way towards graduate school, in addition to the old timey medieval stories (remember those days?) and whatever the hell I feel like.
But I must admit, the real reason that this blog is being revived is that my muse, The Rejectionist, has called.
One of the things that The Rejectionist does is hold occasional "uncontests." An uncontest is sort of like a contest, but with a clever prefix that lulls us into a false sense of non-competition. Or maybe it's just a warning that we're not being judged by any consistent standard, and that Lola Pants gets to have some input.
This month's uncontest is particularly convenient for my current needs. Le R proposes that, to practice for the coming year, we should have a trial run of our resolutions. They can be practice resolutions, warm-up resolutions, whatever kinds of commitments we wish to make, with the notable exception of losing weight, since we are all beautiful or some non-sense like that.
Acquaintances will note that, whenever I notice a particularly undesirable personal habit, I immediately institute Emergency Lent. Emergency Lent is just like normal Lent, except for the fact that it has no religious connotations and occurs whenever I want it to. Lents frequently revolve around food, though not in a weight-lossy way. More in a "you have had tuna sandwiches for every meal for the last six weeks; you are the best vegetarian ever" or a "you have consumed exactly 84999 french fries in a fairly short period of time how about a diet that includes something other than fat and fake potato" way.
I had been contemplating another Lent, but was not sure that it was the right time, especially just coming off of October Lent. But now I have an excuse! So, for the purpose of the uncontest, I am submitting the following resolution: No-Shame-December!
What does this mean, exactly? I am, in general, a shy, inhibited creature. I do not wish to cause inconvenience to the poor bureaucrats at the Department of Licensing who try to ruin my life. I will frequently let other people present on sections of books that I would much prefer to discuss myself. New interactions are, as often as not, a minefield of blandness and empty pleasantry. The end result is not pretty. NOT PRETTY.
There is no reason for this! We are a funny person! We have interesting, coherent ideas! We speak with the grace of someone significantly more put together than we are! We hates boredom, and we hates mediocrity. So, we will eliminate one potential source of said faults in our constant crusade against whatever we happen to hate at the moment!
As an experienced giver-upper-of-things, I have more than a few tricks up my sleeve. My secret to success is to actually give up two things at a time. If I give up tuna sandwiches, fine. But I will also give up french fries in quantities greater than three. If I give up french fries, fine. But I will also give up bagels. The trick is that the second thing is almost unbearable to give up. HAVE YOU EVER TRIED TO NOT EAT BAGELS FOR MORE THAN A COUPLE OF DAYS? Let me tell you, it does not work well. So, having succumbed to temptation almost instantaneously, the only way to validate your existence is to tenaciously hold on to the first thing selected for giving up.
Forty days later, you forgot that you ever wanted it, because you have discovered the wide, wide world of eating more than one foodstuff.
So, the second thing that I am going to "try" to give up is another personality characteristic once referred to as my unique brand of "subtle cruelty." I am so set.
