Episcopal KGB

Don't fuck with bishops. I'm not even kidding.

There was this one priest, Proculus. You don't even want me to tell you what he did to this bishop. Okay, fine, I forget. But I wrote it down in this other book. You could probably check there.

Anyway, things did not go well for that guy. He got butchered on his own altar, and his badmouthing is totally why. Also, the Franks took his whole parish and sold it into slavery, and then it rained really hard. Scary shit.

Oh, that reminds me of another story about retarded townspeople. It's the same war, but a different city. There are all of these people holed up in this perfect, impenetrable fortress. Then they have the worst idea ever.

"Oh! Hey! That's an army out there. Do you know what strong, successful armies have? Lots of loot. I bet if we run really really fast, we can just run into their camp, grab some booty, and run back to the city, we'll be totally fine. Super rich, even."

Yeah, you guessed how that ended.

Back to bishops. So, there was another official who tried to fuck with a bishop. The same bishop, in fact, Quintianus. Lytigius always had it in for Quinty, who never knew why. He just wanted Lytigius to like him, and even laid on the ground at his feet to try to stop the hate.

Yeah, Quinty was kinda weird, but you've got to respect the man.

Lytigius went home to his wife and mocked the bishop. She was super freaked out. "You can't say that. They might hear you. I'll get the kids; we'll move in a week."

Three days later, a message came, and no one ever saw Lyti, his wife, or his kids again.