Playboy

Sorry for the delay! I am working on Other Project and reading horrible genre fiction, which leaves me with too little energy to fulfill my other commitments. Fortunately for you, I respond well to harassment, so I have taken time out of my busy schedule to play Neville Chamberlain to your Hitler. I come, bearing a literary gift! It's not Czechoslovakia, but I think that you will enjoy my small offering.

King Lothar is, in many ways, the original Will Ferrell character. He doesn't have one woman. He doesn't have two women. He's got three of the finest specimens of the female form. Well, three whole wives, after the embarrassing brother-in-law assassination fiasco which made that other wife become a nun. I'll be generous; she can count as an entire 1/3 wife.

So, you think that 3 and 1/3 wives is extravagant? It gets worse. Two of these are sisters.

You probably want to know a little something about that.

It's all wife number two's fault.* Having firmly ensconced herself in Lothar's household as wife and not as slave, she approaches him one day with sweeping gesture and gracious speech. "My lord, I am so unbelievably happy! Being a queen is so great. Everything is so magical and filled with wonder." The king agrees; he's pretty used to hearing this from women. But she continues. "My lord, tragically, I have a secret shame. My sister: she is common, and unwed. So beautiful, just like me. Since you did such a good job of finding a husband for me, do you think that you could find a nice, wealthy man for her? Maybe a doctor. Someone professional."

Lothar is very tired, and just wants to go to bed. Other-wife never talked this much, even before she became a nun. "I'll look into it, dear."

The next day, Lothar tracks down the sister of his wife, working somewhere in his palace. He falls in love and marries her on his spot. I mean, they're technically married after they finish, at least.

Lothar creeps back to other non-religious wife. "Hi, dear. I found someone wealthy and competent for your sister to wed! There were so few choices for such a beautiful and talented young woman, but I found a solution that I think will make everyone happy!"

"That is really great. You always have such really great ideas. Who will my sister be marrying?"

"Oh, I just went ahead and made everything official; there didn't seem to be any point in beating around the bush. Anyway, I married your sister okay I have to go do king things we'll talk later."

Then a bishop dies.

----

*I've forgotten everything about Last Wife right now. She might be interesting later, but prospects aren't looking great. The kingdom eventually gets divided amongst the sons of the sisters described above, and everybody dies.